Haven't titled this one...

don’t write don’t say what is meant

twist past the heart

into the back

of a lie

the lie that helps

you

feel better while

bleeding from a self-given wound

and know  to stop

speaking

seeking

what is no longer yours to possess

focus on not letting go

not letting the present slip

not letting the past push in

until old wounds open

old memories surface

a flood of images

blood flowing from broken skin

carnage left by demands not met

feel that devil creep under your skin

to control the mind

heal enough for new wounds

lose site of self 

of knowing, who

of name, face, age…

lose track of time

of caring

of being

forget

until

you know

the image of your grave

Being asked "Who are you?"

A conversation with an acquaintance of mine...
We will start in the middle but where it got interesting
Him ~ Unless you are French. Then I agree. Lol
Me ~ Haha not that I am aware of...
Him ~ Do you know what you are? And don't say "a great dancer" or "Stunningly beautiful" because we already know that much. lol
Me ~ Haha like in the vast scheme of the universe or heritage?
Him ~ Is there a difference? Usually my two answers are "renaissance man" or "American". Haha
Me ~ okay... Wanderer, hippy, gypsy?
Him ~ That's one.
Me ~ Haha... well..
Him~ Well?
Me ~ I am my self. I belong no where. I am unique and cannot be defined or quantified. I love often and hurt easily but hide behind a smile. I use to know what and who I was but when you strip away dancer, writer, student, daughter, sister, friend... what is left? I would answer but I can't and I am searching for the answer...

I am not sure he expected such honesty... oh well.. He asked the very question I have been asking myself.

Adventure... Coming Soon

Okay I am a 21 year old girl from Oklahoma. I am working on getting ready for my first backpacking trip. Seeing that I am never the type of person to halfway achieve anything,  my undertaking will be the Colorado trail. This trail, if you aren't familiar with it, spans from Durango to Denver; is over 500 miles long and takes 4-6weeks to complete. I do plan on training ahead with small trips to test gear/knowledge etc. However I am starting from the beginning. I don't have gear, I don't have the know-how. Just a dream. Which has been in my brain since I went adventuring in Colorado with my parents and we stumbled upon a segment of the trail.

Step 1: Get in shape
Though I am a dancer... I am not in shape. From things I have been reading torso strength, cardiovascular health, and well breathing are key to being a good hiker. I love hiking but given where I live, not much hiking to be done. So I will have to start with walking. Walking the neighborhood perhaps.

Step 2: Gear
Obviously I own little to no gear. That being said my parents are avid motorcycle campers. Similar to packing for a backpacking trip and similar gear. So though I don't own gear I do have information about some of the gear.
Gear means money. Money means job. Job means less time getting ready. That being said one of my jobs is as a dance instructor which should help with some of the "in shape" business.

Step 3: Plan
by which I mean a better plan then this. I will Update my progress on this epic adventure I must do.

This all boils down to me wanting to do something amazing in my life. To be able to say "I am doing this, I can do this, I have done this, and I will do it again. "

I am taking a year away from college to figure out who I am and what I want to do. This adventure is the first thing that jumps to mind followed by finishing my degree and pursuing a masters in Dance Therapy. I cannot wait for this next step in my life! I hope you all will enjoy my updates from time to time as well as my video posts on YouTube. Username: DancingRayne

Until the next time
I hope you all live well, dream sweetly and love often,
Rayne